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rocks.jpgLast week’s post talked about going home after hearing of my dad leaving. I have been thinking some this week about the people who stood beside me and the family during this time. I am not sure if you have ever been in a situation where someone around you, even one of your closest friends is hurting, but it is a hard, uncomfortable and even awkward place to be. Sometimes there are no words to say so we say nothing, or we just back away and separate ourselves totally for fear of not knowing what to do.

I remember when my friend Wayne found out that his wife was leaving and wanted a divorce. It was totally out of the blue, or so it seemed. Wayne and I were best friends, sharing everything, talking about everything and laughing most of the time. When I heard what was going on I was at a loss for words. Would he want my humor, my sympathy, my prayers or would he just want me to stay away. There were many times that I just sat in his room with him watching him cry. We smoked a lot, drank cheap beer and played a lot of video games during that time for lack of knowing what else to do. I am not sure how good of a friend I was to Wayne during those moments, but I know it was hard to know what to do.

I want to thank my friend Dave Laird. Dave, you called me from New Zealand a couple of days after this happened. You were a true friend. I am not really sure of what you said, but I do remember you crying on the phone. Crying for me, for my family and because it broke your heart as well. I will never forget that.

Thank you too to Zach and Amanda, Ben and Mel, John and Jen and the rest of you who walked with me during this. Thanks for letting me be irrational. Thanks for letting me grieve. Thanks for letting me change my mind constantly on hating my dad, loving my dad and just now knowing what to do.

Thanks Gordon for words you shared with me while watching the Supersonics play at the arena. You told met that I should have no regrets about doing a lot for my mom. We were talking about how much it is to fly home and to call all the time and you reminded me that you don’t want to let money detour me and look back regretting that I didn’t spend a few hundred dollars to be with my family.

Thanks Wade for showing me that when Jesus tells us to treat a sinner who doesn’t turn away from his sin as you would a tax collector it means that we love them, as Jesus did, not turn our backs on them.

I am sure there will be many more people to thank as I look back. If I forget you, just remind me. Thanks to you also who have left comments, I look forward to being able to walk with you in your hurt in some way.

Photo by Amy Cunningham

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5 comments so far on “My story part 3

  1. mike says:

    Thanks for sharing parts of you story. Your story is extremely encouraging.

    Take care Phil.

  2. mike says:

    Its good to have a friend like you.

  3. ann says:

    PHIL,i know your story God will use, to bring healing to many,I love you and have allways been proud that you are my son.

  4. Dave Irish says:

    Hi Phil,
    It’s been good to read your thoughts over last few months and feel like we are cathching up a little.
    I remember your parents visiting Shelton during Mission Adventures and my excitement at meeting a few Irish folk! I loved spending a little time with them.
    I also remember getting your e-mail soon ater this happened and feeling a little bit of brokeness over here- I guess a mixture of personal memories, listening to your hurt, remembering good times, and realising that we all are broken.
    I wanted to share this because I have appreciated your honesty (just like i remember it) and your heart.
    Love ya,
    Dave

    PS. Hi Ann, you are always welcome over here!

  5. Tamijo says:

    My mom has made me promise not to blog my experience but my family is headed in a very similar outcome and I just wanted to say I appreciate you sharing and that your family allows for you to process publicly, that it gives a voice to many adult children.
    I am only beginning to understand the hurt that is yet to come. and arming myself with truth and knowledge of human nature and God’s grace is the only way I am not sending henchmen to put the beats on some people.

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