Previous post Schools In For Winter
I have been thinking about blogging on this for a while now and believe that now is the time to start. I am starting to post each Tuesday about my story, specifically the story of the breakdown of my family. I wanted to do this for my own sake, to look back at a monumental time in my life and see how I have come through it. I also want to do it so that I can in some way be an encouragement to others who have had to walk through hard times in their lives.
I have some hesitancy in writing this as I know it will bring up hurts and bad memories for people who are in my family who read my blog, specifically you Amy, mom, Julie and dad but I feel that it could be healing for all of us. I in no way intend to bring up past hurts, but desire to see more healing.
5 years ago this month my dad left my mom for another women in the church. My dad was my hero, and still is in many way’s. I am not sure what happened, but I know that seemingly out of the blue he found himself (put himself) in a bad situation and fell. He couldn’t live with the fact that he had kissed this girl, i believe that is all he did, and so he left. He hopped in the car as did she and they left home and drove till they could not go any farther.
I remember getting the call at 6am in the morning. I knew it was bad news as it was such an early call. Maybe I also knew it was bad news because my only fear in life was that one of my parents would leave the other, but I only thought it would happen as a result of death, not choice. I remember looking at Amy after getting off the phone with my mom, who was completely broken and being in a state of disbelief.
Amy and I still talk today about my actions that preceded that call. I was at my funniest to be honest. I guess that is how I deal with pressure, hurt and devastation, I laugh. My jokes and humor only lasted so long and then reality hit. I think it hit when Amy made a joke and I pounced on her trying to protect my family, I am still deeply sorry for this my Amy. The next day I was on a plane home to Winnipeg feeling lost, hopeless and wondering when I would wake up from this dream. Little did I know that this nightmare would continue for a long long time and at times only get worse.
That is all I am going to write for this week. I am not really sure how I will end these posts, maybe just with a simple Jesus help.
the above pic is me a bit before this all happened at the birth of Emma.
Phil, thanks for writing this,and without the desire to minimize, at all, your pain, loss or experiences as the son in all of this… i wish all of us who knew your family and knew them well, who love them dearly and miss your dad (I haven’t seen him in five years apparently could blog on this too, perhaps not publically but internally, like a sharing circle, with safe borders etc. i am not in a place today with much energy to share my thoughts on those early days, but I have a story too, as does my mom and dad, my sisters and so i am sure, do many many others. that is the thing with sadness, loss or pain, it’s affects are so far reaching, to so many that your family might never even know. Please know that I am interested in hearing your words not because I am a counsellor professionally, or because I relish in pain, I don’t. but because you are in my heart, a special friend from my youth, from my formative years as a believer, as your sister in Christ really, you are someone who in eternity will sing and laugh with me, and for this time maybe this writing will help me know you better and grow myself through your own journey.
Thanks for your bravery and humility, it is wonderful!
PS: To end your writings: new but very old prayer/meditation I am practicing lately, …”Lord Jesus, have Mercy!”
hi my little brother i may be older than you but you are so much wiser than me.I am so proud of you and how you have handeld a real crapy time in our family.It hurts so much to see our family in pain and when i read your blog i feel your pain the only differece between us is that you are starting to move forward and deal with your feelings.I am so thankful to have you in my life and i will be reading your blog on each week and maybe i can have healing in my life thanks to my little brother. I LOVE you.
[…] Philter « My story Part 1 […]
Thanks Jodi, it means a lot to hear from you. I hear you on the Lord Jesus, have mercy. It is a cry for me and many people. It is good to hear from you my friend. I was actually looking for some free counseling from really far away so this is working perfectly, haha.
[…] part one of this journey I talked about the day I found out that my dad had left home. I remember the flight […]