Have you ever longed to hear God speak? Have you ever wondered if you are living life in the way you were meant to, or even wondered if you or the life you are living matters? I have had these thoughts, in fact these thoughts have often haunted me. They are terrible thoughts, thoughts of doubt, fear, insecurity, and of feeling unsure.
On Thursday I was sitting at a worship gathering and making fun of the music (I know, I am terrible). The dude leading was singing songs that I used to sing when I was a kid, like 12 years old back in Winnipeg. As I was pulling myself together and attempting to stop picturing myself back in the 80’s I felt God prompting me to stop and stay in that place. I didn’t really know why, but I obeyed.
Then I heard Jesus speak. Here is what he said (paraphrasing). “Phil, remember when you were 12, the place that you are picturing right now as you listen to this 80’s worship music? That is when we started journeying together. The place where you are at right now in your mind is the place where we first met. We have journeyed together for a long time, 28 + years in fact. And do you know what, I have never bailed on you. I have never thought your life doesn’t matter, that you or your life has no meaning. I have stuck by you and walked with you this whole time. You have never had reason to feel insecure, or unsure or doubtful. Those thoughts are not from me, those are from the enemy and are thoughts placed in your mind from other people, certain situations, your family and friends. It is time to stop. It is time to move away from those feeling and walk in the freedom of what I am telling you now.”
As you can imagine this was freeing and liberating. I walked away from that gathering feeling free, yet knowing that the old feelings are probably not going to go away, they are something I am going to have to fight to overcome. The things is though, it is easier to fight when you know the truth. If you are struggling with who you are, if you are dealing with insecurity and a lack of self worth I encourage you to pray, to listen to the voice of God and if needed see professional help in a counsellor or therapist. There is no shame in this, it’s like seeing a doctor when you are sick, they are there and are trained to help.
