I have written about this issue a few times in the last couple of months, and I am continuing to receive clarity on things day by day. Its the whole idea of community, and not being able to find community like we desire as a family. Over the past 20 years we have had hundreds of great people come into and out of our lives. Its not that we are annoying people, at least I don’t think so, but its the nature of the work that we do with YWAM. YWAM is a shot term mission organization. In this, it means that people come for weeks or months at a time, engage fully and then go back home, or somewhere other than the location they did their YWAM training at. Then there are the full time staff, like our family. We are in it for the long haul, and we are thrilled to meet, train, develop relationship with and say goodbye to the scores of people coming in and out of our lives on a regular basis.

Today, our family woke up tired, and feeling a bit defeated. We so want community for our family, but we are tired and lack the strength to fight for it any more (tomorrow will be a new day, today was just a hard one). We are tired of meeting new people, and making new friends. We want to be with people we have history with, people we can call in an emergency, people who drop by without a call, and who we find life with even in our exhaustion. We do have a couple of people like that in our lives here in San Diego, so if your reading this, we are not talking about you, haha.

We are just tired of starting over, and just desire rest. Tomorrow work starts again, and I face a long week of back to school activities, and local outreach in the city. I am going in tired and frustrated, and I absolutely hate that. I want to go in full, and ready. I love my job, I love the impact I get to make and the things that I learn, but I don’t like doing it in a place of tiredness.

Not sure where to go from here, I guess forward. Pray for us if you are reading this. We will be OK, its just a season of suck.



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2 comments so far on “Tired of starting over.

  1. Jen Levin says:

    Hey Phil, just looking through your blog and came across this post. We are so in the same season right now. Weary with starting over with folks and trying to find community in yet another new community for our family. Praying you guys are able to find that where you are. And may we all somehow connect our situation in some small way with the people we’re serving who have yet to find home and place and community. Peace, love to you guys.

  2. philter says:

    Thanks Josh, man, I agree it is hard. I am seeing more and more the sacrifice we made, even though they didn’t seem like sacrifices at the time. Being away from family, moving lots, and being nomadic in a way. Hmmm, is there anyone else who knows that? Oh yea, refugees, immigrants, etc. Love ya man.

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