It is October 13, 2018, day 21. I am writing a bit each day about my thoughts, motivations, ideas and dreams.
Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) is an anxiety disorder in which time people have recurring, unwanted thoughts, ideas or sensations (obsessions) that make them feel driven to do something repetitively (compulsions). The repetitive behaviors, such as hand washing, checking on things or cleaning, can significantly interfere with a person’s daily activities and social interactions (Source).
This is the first time I have looked up this definition. Here’s the thing, I get paranoid that If I don’t do something right away, it is not going to get done. I think this is the reason I get so much accomplished, but its also not the healthiest way to live. I always clean up before going to bed, as I like things in order when I wake up at 6am. If a phone call needs to be made, I make it immediately, even if I don’t know all the details of why I am calling. I can’t walk by a piece of paper on the ground without picking it up, cause If I don’t, who will?
Im always thinking about what needs to get done next, not resting or taking break. Whenever I do break, I think about all the things that I should be doing. As I write this, I realize how unhealthy it is. I don’t like spending money, cause I am afraid that no more money will come back in, even though money always does, and has come back in. When the check engine light comes on in the car, I assume its the worst. If I sleep in, I feel like the rest of the day is going to derail. OK, now I truly am talking crazy, but its revealing something to me that I need to deal with.
I realize things need to change, or I will drive myself and my family completely crazy. Admitting your issues is for sure a part of the victory. I am committing to slowing down, trusting more, and stressing less. I love getting things done, and I know that will not change, I just need to stop being so crazy about it.
Peace.
